10 points for Effort and Creativity

Nominated as the Best Short Joke 2005

A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mum," he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet" she replied..

I miss Singapore so much!

Thought you'd get a laugh out of this............

Read aloud for best results (and some semblance of comprehension).
Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while
after reading this. It was nominated "best email of 1997".

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest
and room-service, at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and
published in the Far East Economic Review.....

Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"
RS: "San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes
'means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we
bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an
English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem,
tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G: "You're welcome"


Regards

Biddy Adams
Receptionist
Eclipse Financial Group

Words Women Use

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not! faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

New motivation

Got home from work around 2am. Planned to burn some fats in the morning but as usual... futon got comfy all of a sudden. Woke up eventually in the afternoon, received an order to get Smooth & Sleek Pantene shampoo from the nearby supermarket. Got to the gym after that.

Ran on the treadmill for 25 mins and that was all the time i so-called could afford before getting ready for work again. So here i am, in the office, having sushi for lunch, thinking if that 25 mins is actually worth it (even for long term investment).

OHhOHh another thing, recently caught Jerry Springer on TV. It's still the same o' crap! Where do they get people like that? Another mystery is that most of the people that appear on his show somewhat always have a "texas/Arizona" accent... hmm..

Determination, Goals, Target, Achievements

Finally i think i might have something to share... I finished reading a self help guidebook that helps and motivates people to further improve themselves.

Summary as per below:

Time
Some people have enough time; some don't. We all have all the time there is.

Money
Money is a result of my beliefs, decisions, and my thoughts about it.

Failure
There is NO failure, only feedback. I cannot Fail. Only Learn.

Success
Success is assured if i follow what i know to do.

Power
Power used with love is welcomed from the people who experience it.

Principles
1. The universe is made up of pure intelligence - it;s basic nature is mind.
Nature is purposive, and the laws of nature are contained at the depths of deep inner reflection

2. Reality is not what i see. It is vibration - composed of frequencies
There is a hierarchy of vibration : Rock -> Tree -> Man -> Sound -> Light (what the heck is that?)

3. Every thought or mental state has its own vibration. The universe will give you what you dwell upon

4. The universe demads balance - Everything has its opposite. Cause and Effect

5. We are always compensated for what we do - I am at ease in my universe.

Prosperity beliefs

1. The universe is abundant
2. The universe wants me to prosper
3. All prosperity begins with an idea & the universe responds
4. Money is an abstraction (of work)
5. Money has no intelligence of its own - Money responds to my instructions to it.
6. Money demannds attention on money.

Probably we could start categorizing our err goals and objectives with the following sub-headers

1. Started, but not worked on In progress, but not complete
2. Almost complete, but still not finished
3. Things i have been unable to start
4. Things I have been unable to change
5. Things I have been unable to stop

Depression - Please dun take it seriously

Picture says a thousand pain.

Won't want to be the boy next.